At Ashley's house. Ashley is playing her piano in the dark, with candles being the only light. Jimmy is watching her, an unhappy look on his face.
Ashley: (singing) You're brave, but you can't see it. You're strong, but you can't feel it. You're good, but you don't know it.
Jimmy: I love it.
Ashley: It shows how glad I am we're back. Rediscovering each other.
Jimmy: Yeah. Yeah, me too.
Ashley: I mean, last year were just this, this thing. But now we really connect. Let me play you the rest. (singing) I know you. The real you. I know you. The real you.
Opening Credits
Announcement: Attention students, if you lost a keychain with a pink whistle on it…
Ashley is at her locker putting eyeliner on.
Jimmy: Looking for someone?
Ashley: Yeah, actually. My boyfriend. Tall, cute, might have seen us together last year.
Jimmy: Speaking of last year… Grade 8 yearbook.
Ashley: Grade 8… Not exactly my best.
Jimmy: (shrugs) Some of it was pretty good. So, will you sign it?
Ashley hesitates.
Jimmy: We're back together now, right?
Ashley: Back together. Sounds nice.
Jimmy: So sign it.
Ashley: (looking through the yearbook) Okay, did my mom pick out my clothes?
Jimmy: You look great.
Ashley: I look awful!
Sully: You got that right! Freak show.
Jimmy: Try looking in a mirror!
Sully: Careful Jimmy. Although it is nice of you to date the creepy chicks. Leave the hot ones for us!
Leaves with his friends.
Jimmy: (under his breath) Shut up. Sorry, Ash.
Ashley: Happens all the time.
Jimmy: If jerks like him knew how beautiful you were on the inside, they'd keep their mouths shut.
Bell rings.
JT: It's the event of the year! Dr. Sally's sex talk!
Toby: As if I could forget about it with you keep talking about it every two seconds.
JT: First you get the knowledge, then you get the power, then you get… (looks at Paige)
Paige: What?
Toby: Believe me. You don't wanna know.
In class
Mr. Armstrong: Now in addition to condoms, we have the pill, the diaphragm, and the IUD. Guys, there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
JT: (raises hand) Maybe we'd feel a little more comfortable if Dr. Sally was here.
Mr. Armstrong: Like I told you at the beginning of class, Dr. Sally is in China.
JT: Well, send her a plane ticket or something!
Mr. Armstrong: Being sexually responsible means being prepared, but the best form of protection is abstinence.
Manny: What's, what's abstinence?
Mr. Armstrong: Not having sex. No sex, don't get pregnant or contract an STD. (JT accidentally flicks a condom onto Mr. Armstrong's back) However, if you decide not to abstain, make sure you always have a condom on you. (Class laughs)
Ms. Kwan's class. The students are watching a video in the auditorium.
Announcer on television: Until next time, we hope you enjoyed this classic presentation of Taming of the Shrew.
Ms. Kwan: (turns off the television) So, any thoughts on Shakespeare's comic masterpiece? Gavin?
Spinner: Um, maybe add a joke or two?
Ms. Kwan: You didn't find it funny.
Spinner: Funny? Ha, um, no, sorry.
Ms. Kwan: No need to apologize. Because I'm offering you all a challenge. I've paired you up, and I want you to work on Act II, Scene I. This play's been around for over 400 years, so it must be doing something right. What I want, guys, is a version that rings true for you. Have fun with it.
Ashley shows Jimmy her script. It has Craig Manning written in red marker at the bottom. Jimmy turns his paper: Hazel Aden.
In the hallway
Craig: Good morrow, Kate, for that's your name I hear.
Ashley: Hey, I was thinking about our scene.
Craig: And you wanted to shoot yourself?
Ashley: I can't believe we have to do this comedy! It's so…
Craig: Sexist? Outdated? Unfunny?
Ashley: All three. So I was thinking.
Craig: What if we show that? And play it for what's really going on. …Or not?
Ashley: No, totally. I'm just so glad we're on the same page.
Craig: Yeah, Kwan's gonna regret pairing us.
Toby and JT are eating lunch outside.
Toby: Was it just me or was health class more than a little confusing?
JT: Why? 'Cause Dr. Sally let us down? 'Cause Dr. Sally didn't even-
Toby: Would you shut up already?! I mean condoms. They're confusing.
JT: They're pretty simple, Tobes. You just open the package, slip 'em on, and
Toby: No, I mean, you know, when do we buy them?
JT: No time like the present! Know the drill. Practice. I mean, we could meet the girl of our dreams tomorrow.
Toby: I already met mine. (Waves at Kendra. She waves back)
JT: Look, that is exactly why you want to be prepared.
Toby: It's way too early for that.
JT: What if passion takes over some day? And you, Toby Isaacs, get a chance to get it? Don't you want to be prepared?
Toby: I guess.
JT: Yes, you do. So, drugstore. After school. Our studly future calls.
In the hallway
Jimmy: The concept's hilarious.
Hazel: Asses are made to bear, and so are you!
Ashley: Hey guys.
Hazel: Your boyfriend: Hysterical. Ciao.
Ashley: Someone's having fun.
Jimmy: Yeah, yeah. Scene should be good. 'Course not as good as if I had worked with my favorite partner.
Ashley: (notices an old picture of her in Jimmy's locker) That's a joke, right? Burn it, please.
Jimmy: Oh, but you look so cute. So, dinner?
Ashley: Jeff's making burgers and Kraft dinner. You know, my parents missed you. I did, too. I'm so glad you're coming.
At the drugstore
(JT picks up a package of extra large condoms)
Toby: JT, you do not need extra large.
JT: What does this mean - "ribbed"?
Toby: For her pleasure? No idea.
JT: Hmm… Better find out.
Toby: Did you see the pina colada flavor?
JT: Yeah. Too bad they don't have bacon.
(Toby gives him a weird look)
JT: So, what did ya get?
(Toby holds up a box of Glow condoms)
JT: Ohhh, the force is strong within you. (He picks up a cane and hands one to Toby. The two begin "laser sword fighting" making Star Wars noises.) Come on, let's go.
Cashier: Okay, so call me later? Okay. Bye.
JT: (places the condoms on the counter) We just wanna be ready, you know?
Toby: He does. And, and me. And me. Together. But not together.
JT: Uh, could we have those in separate bags, please? And, uh, maybe your phone number?
At the Kerwin/Isaacs household
Ashley: So, did Dr. Sally come today?
Toby: Uh, no. Armstrong filled in.
Ashley: Did he give out condoms?
Toby: What?! No, not that that's any of your business.
Ashley: Relax. I just think that kids should have access to condoms. It's an important issue, eh, Jimmy?
Jimmy: Sure it is. Uh, I'm starving.
Mr. Isaacs: I don't know. Teachers giving out condoms suggests that kids should be having sex.
Mrs. Kerwin: Well, kids are gonna have sex, Jeff, but at least they should be protected.
Ashley: Jimmy, what do you think?
Jimmy: I'm not sure. You all have really good points.
Ashley: (sighs) And what's your point?
Jimmy: I think Jeff's right. Handing out condoms sends a message. Sorry.
Ashley: Don't be. You're allowed to have an opinion. I just wish I didn't have to drag it out of you.
At school
(Toby puts the packages of condoms into his and JT's locker)
JT: What are you doing?
Toby: You're the genius who talked me into buying them. They're your problem now.
Spinner: (practicing his lines) For I am born to tame you, Kate, and bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate confrom… a Kate confar… confrabled…
JT: That's right, Spinner. Walk and talk!
Spinner: Hahahahaha. (Throw JT into the locker causing all of the condoms to spill onto the floor) Woo hoo hoo. JT the Stud. (Turns to Manny and Emma) Check this out.
(Manny laughs)
JT: Guys, they're not mine.
Manny: Then whose are they?
Emma: They must be Toby's. That's gross.
Manny. Ew! That is so classic!
Spinner: Toby? Kendra? He's planning?? With my sister?!
JT: No! Spinner, it's just…
Spinner: When I find Isaacs, he's finished.
In the hallway
(Ashley is trying to take a picture of herself)
Craig: Need some help with that?
Ashley: Sure. It's for Jimmy.
Craig: Yeah.
Ashley: Thanks.
Craig: No problem. Hope he likes it. (leaves)
Ashley: (gives the picture to Jimmy) Jimmy, for your locker.
Jimmy: Thanks. (He hangs it next to the Grade 8 picture)
Ashley: Um, it's supposed to replace that one.
Jimmy: The more pictures of you the better. (He leans in to kiss her, but she turns her head) What?
Ashley: Nothing. It's just…
Jimmy: What??
Ashley: Which picture do you like better?
Jimmy: I like them both.
Ashley: You didn't answer my question.
Jimmy: Ash!
Ashley: Speak your mind! I mean it! Which one do you like more?
Jimmy: The old one, okay? The old one.
Ashley's house the next morning
She sits at her makeup mirror flipping through the yearbook.
At school
Ashley walks through the hallways dressed in blue, sans makeup, while every one laughs at her.
In Mr. Armstrong's classroom
Raditch on PA: Would Nicole Hamilton please report to the main office immediately. Again, Nicole Hamilton.
Ellie: I'll be honest. I don't get it.
Ashley: This is who I've been since before we met.
Jimmy: Ash, wow.
Spinner: You, you actually look alive.
Ashley: Thanks, I think.
Jimmy: I was just getting used to the whole Goth thing. This is so…
Ellie: Tamed?
Mr. Armstrong: Everyone take your seats, please.
Computer Lab
Toby: Spinner's locker page? Why do you want me to die?
JT: I'm trying to save your life. Look, if we can figure out his schedule, maybe you can avoid him for the rest of the year.
Toby: What about Kendra? She probably thinks I'm slime.
JT: You'll explain it to her. She'll understand. Everything will be fine.
(On the web page it says: Who's face should I rearrange? Toby Isaacs, Toby Isaacs, TOBY ISAACS!!!)
JT: Or not.
(A message pops up on the screen that says You have new DMail)
Toby: Don't open it!
JT: Too late.
(It says: Are you afraid? You should be. Look behind you. The boys turn and Spinner waves at them. Toby and JT run out of the lab into the hallway)
Toby: (stops running) Oh, good.
Kendra: (throws him into a locker) How old am I?
Toby: Uh, twelve.
Kendra: And what grade am I in?
Toby: Seven.
Kendra: And you thought I'd have sex with you?! Pervert!
Outside
Paige, Terri, Hazel, and Ashley are sitting at a picnic table.
Hazel: I know. I love Existential jeans. They fit so perfect!
Paige: I love that commercial where that hot guy says, "Life is meaningless without jeans."
Paige, Hazel, & Terri: Existential!!
Ashley: Haven't seen that one yet.
Terri: Don't worry. We'll get you back in the loop.
Paige: Speaking of loop, what's with the style rewind anyway?
Ashley: You don't like it?
Paige: Sure, but the Goth look was sort of working for you. Why the change?
Ashley: I have to go. I have to meet Craig.
Craig: For I am born to tame you, Kate, and…
Ashley: Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Craig: And you are…?
Ashley: Late. Sorry. Can we start?
Craig: Yeah, sure. Good morrow, Kate, for that's your name I hear.
Ashley: Wait.
Craig: What, not strong enough?
Ashley: No, it's just… The way Petruchio wants to change Kate… Isn't it out of love?
Craig: That's what he claims. So?
Ashley: So we're making him into a villain. What if we're wrong?
Craig: Ash, the guy's a sexist pig. And abusive.
Ashley: I know. I read the play, but…
Craig: But nothing. Even if he wasn't, he'd still be a jerk.
Ashley: Why?
Craig: Because if he really loved Kate, he wouldn't want to change her. He'd love her for who she is.
Back at school, in the hallway
Spinner: (grabs Toby and goes to punch him) It's judgement day, Isaacs.
Toby: (takes off glasses) Go ahead. But I want you to know that the reason I bought that stuff was cause I really like your sister. I mean, I really like her, but I wasn't thinking about having sex with her. We've only kissed. Once.
Spinner: If you weren't thinking about it why'd you buy all that stuff?
Toby: Because if I was gonna have sex with Kendra - which I'm not - I'd want to take care of her. I mean, having sex never even occurred to me until JT started talking about being prepared and I…
Spinner: JT? So this was JT's idea?
Toby: No. No, no, no, no. He just suggested that I buy that stuff, you know. So, you know, just in case…
At the entrance to the auditorium
Jimmy: Break a leg.
Ashley: You, too.
Jimmy: You okay?
Ashley: Yeah, just a little nervous.
Jimmy: You'll be great. And I'll be right there watching. (Kisses Ashley on her head)
Hazel: You guys are so cute!
In the auditorium
(Jimmy and Hazel are performing. Jimmy is in a football uniform and Hazel is wearing her Spirit Squad uniform)
Jimmy: Kate, in sooth you scape not so.
Hazel: I chafe you, if I tarry. Let me go.
Jimmy: Nay, I am born to tame you, Kate, and bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate conformable as any household Kate. I must and will have Katherine to my wife.
Hazel: Give me an L-O-V-E, Go Love!
(The class applauds)
Ms. Kwan: So, thoughts?
Paige: It kept my attention.
Terri: Me too. Love the costumes.
Ms. Kwan: Why football?
Jimmy: Well, we thought adding a modern twist would make it funnier.
Hazel: Petruchio's a manly man. Making him a football player seemed perfect.
Jimmy: And he makes Kate into the perfect wife for him. His own cheerleader.
Ms. Kwan: Good job. Okay, Ash and Craig.
Craig: You ready?
Ashley: Yeah, for real.
(Craig is dressed in a suit and wearing glasses; Ashley is wearing a wig and an apron)
Craig: (grabs Ashley's wrists) Kate in sooth you scape not so!
Ashley: I chafe you, if I tarry. Let me go!
Craig: (throws Ashley to the ground) Thou must be married to no man but me. (Holds her by her throat) For I am born to tame you, Kate, and bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate conformable as any household Kate. I must and will have Katherine to my wife.
(Ashley cries. Craig stands up and takes off the glasses.)
Ms. Kwan: Wow. Intense.
Craig: Uh, yeah. We saw it a bit differently. Ash?
Ashley: Um, it definitely didn't seem like a comedy to us. It felt darker.
Ms. Kwan: Can you tell us why you felt that?
Ashley: (looking at Jimmy) It's about breaking a person, their spirit. Taming them and making them into someone they aren't. Making them into a lesser version of themselves.
At school, Spinner grabs Toby in the hallway and pulls him into a classroom
Spinner: Isaacs. Just the man I was looking for. (Shows Toby that JT is covered in condoms) Like his new look? Okay, and now for your feat.
JT: No, Spinner, please, please! I promise I'll never buy condoms again.
Spinner: It is not about buying condoms. It's about Kendra. There's enough pressure out there about having sex. She doesn't need any more from you two.
(JT nods)
Spinner: Now, ladies and gentlemen - Isaacs, hit the lights - I give you the human glowworm.
At Jimmy's locker
Ashley: Hey.
Jimmy: Hey.
Ashley: I signed it like you asked.
Jimmy: (begins reading) We cling to one another
Storm raging around (Ashley begins to back away)
My head slips under the water
You don't hear me cry
So I let go
Drift away
Leave your comfort behind
Save us
Ashley: (tearfully) Love always, Ashley
END
